Yesterday morning, The Bunkie packed her own mid-morning snack for school, a baggie full of Marshmallow Froot Loops. I thought she'd packed a bit much, and offered to put some back. She agreed, but as I walked back to the kitchen, her voice followed me, "Don't put back any marshmallows, or I'll sue!"

I answered, "For what? 'Alienation of Confection'?"

At the grocery store this weekend, I saw something new. On the Domino sugar bag, it said, "Now! Certified Carbon-Free!" I turned to the Bunkie and said, "I hope not!" She laughed, and said, "Sugar's made of carbon, right?"

I could only imagine a bag full of H! and OH! feeling all superior.

Short form: Neil Gaiman, one of my favorite writers, is called a "pencil-necked little weasel" by the Speaker of the Minnesota legislative house for taking a large speaking fee to give an hour's talk at a suburban library. Speaker Matt Dean's mother makes him apologize for name-calling.

Slightly longer form: Gaiman often speaks for free, but his "hire" rate is quite high so that he doesn't have to say "no" over and over when, really, he'd rather be writing. The suburban library had a pile of restricted funds that couldn't be used for anything but bringing out speakers, pretty much, so they paid his normal rate (after he made sure the money would just go to waste), he had a great time, they had a great time, and he donated the after-agent fees to charity (which, apparently, he does quite often, as he is no longer the starving writer he once was, but remembers it clearly). Dean is an idiot who doesn't have his facts straight.

Really long form: Just read Gaiman's blog. Still good prose.

Carry on.

SC was discussing her "Seekers" book, where the grizzly was thrown out of the den by its mother after its brother Toby died. Aelf said, yeah, that trope shows up a lot in fanfic. So I chimed in:

Sherlock: Mummy always did blame me for your death.
Mycroft: And I'm sure she'll be right.

Aelf has dug herself into "Sherlock" fic, and has found the "Sherlock is a vampire, John is a werewolf" sub-genre. The other night she said she was waiting for Mrs. Hudson to turn out to be a ghost.

"Tea?" I said, in my best Mrs. Hudson voice.

Cross-post from cycling comm: http://community.livejournal.com/cycling/449445.html

If Darling Wife (that's Aelfgyfu) can do it, then so can I. She announced her frustration with yet another homonym fail; when I came up with the punchline, she said, "Why don't you write it?"

So here goes. White Collar, but you don't need to know anything.

*********************

"Moz." No surprise.

"Suit."

"Is Neal here?"

"I refuse to answer--"

"Yeah, I know. Never mind. If he comes in while I'm asleep, tell him I'm here." Peter headed for the bedroom, removing his jacket.

"Don't. And don't say I didn't warn you."

"It's just for a few hours." Tie, shirt, shoes.

"Your neck."

A creak, a sigh; ratcheting, followed by a heavy thump. "What the hell?"

"It's your own fault. You knew Neal had a discriminating pallet."

******************

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

I got home from a long ride (thirty-some miles) last week, rolled the bike in the front door, and Aelf stepped over for a kiss and then backed away. I dropped into Isaiah Mustafa's "Old Spice guy" voice, and said, "Ladies, does your man look like me? Of course not. But he can smell like me: just make him ride ninety minutes in hundred-degree heat!"

So, if you're approaching a light where an SUV is already stopped waiting to take a left, stopping the two cars behind it and the bicyclist signaling a left turn in front of you--why would you honk at the bicyclist? Where, exactly, do you expect me to go? Nobody's moving! Grr.

1. Check in online exactly 24 hours before your flight. Even if you can't print your boarding passes, you can easily get them at the counter whether you're checking bags or not. You want that low-A boarding order if you don't want a middle seat, or just to sit together if you're not flying alone.

2. Learn to smile as you ask, "May I?" to the person on the aisle when you want that middle seat. (You waited twenty minutes to check in, didn't you?)

3. Pray for no delay. If weather causes your itinerary to change, you lose that sweet A-18 window (or aisle) seat and get B-53 because that's what was available when they rebooked you. So you get to sit in the airport an extra five and a half hours and tuck both elbows in for two and a half more. Oh, yes, you can upgrade to gold class for only $10--after you upgrade from your online-only getaway fare to full fare.

4. Please remember to clean up any mess you made--that's part of how they manage those amazing turn-around times.

5. Still and all, if you don't mind middle seats and you fly alone (or don't want to sit next to your child), you can get a nice seat near the front. And some of the flight attendants are funny. As she closed the jetway door, Charisma announced, "It's time to finish those conversations. Say 'I love you,' and hang up, and if you don't love 'em, just hang up."